I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
