Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
