my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
