He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
