Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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