Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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