i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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