youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
