My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
