Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
