How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
