Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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