i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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