I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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