I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
