I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
