New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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