The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
