i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You have to summon your inner elephant
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
