SEEEEXXX PLEASE
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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