Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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