In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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