mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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