Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
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