Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
