New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
