Where is the hickey?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
