Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
