This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When did angry sex become our thing?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
there is glitter all over my balls
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
