She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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