I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
