dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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