awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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