I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
