There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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