I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
