I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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