he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
