I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
