ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
