this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
