im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
