Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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