I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
