Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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