omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
