My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
