just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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