He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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