Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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