Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I want to fling myself into the sun
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
